This will make it hard to communicate with others and establish what’s really troubling you. For example, couples often argue about petty differences—the way she hangs the towels, marijuana addiction the way he slurps his soup—rather than what is really bothering them. When you can recognize conflicting needs and are willing to examine them with compassion and understanding, it can lead to creative problem solving, team building, and stronger relationships.

Some common reasons you may avoid conflict include:

Understanding your own style and your partner’s can help you choose the best way to communicate during conflict. Just like fingerprints, everyone has a unique communication style. Chances are that you are engaging in some irrational thought patterns that lead to fear of conflict. Instead of trying to read your partner’s mind, be open to a discussion.

Why is avoidance not healthy?

You can assert yourself respectfully by explaining yourself clearly in a calm way. Illustrate your ideas with examples and make a point of acknowledging other people’s ideas as well. Be open to compromise and ask other people to elaborate on their opinions to gain new insight. One of the most obvious signs is a tendency to change the subject or physically leave when difficult topics arise. This might look like suddenly remembering an urgent task that needs attention or developing a sudden interest in something completely unrelated to the conversation at hand.

• Personality, upbringing, education, and any number of other factors might have an impact on someone’s approach to policy, or problem-solving, so this kind of conflict isn’t unusual.
• Passive-aggressive behavior is another common manifestation of conflict avoidance.
• Whatever the origin, it is important to remain emotionally disengaged.

It’s like having a secret weapon to calm your nerves when things get tense. In some cultures, direct confrontation is seen as rude or disrespectful. If you’ve been raised to always “keep the peace,” it can be tough to break out of that mindset. Call us at (833)-274-heal or start here to make an appointment with one of our specialized online counselors. It takes courage to seek answers and tools to improve your mental health.

How do you handle conflict at work?

• If you believe you have been wronged, rather than lashing out in anger, present your interpretation of the situation, and ask the other person to describe how they see things.
• Learning how to deal with someone who is conflict-avoidant means building trust, offering support, and creating space for honest communication.
• Facing discomfort with compassion can turn scary conversations into moments of healing, closeness, and lasting understanding.
• People who respond to conflict this way often expect negative outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction.

There is a generation of adults more comfortable dealing with interpersonal challenges through texting. If someone is angry enough to come to see you in person, they may not have the emotional skills to deal with your emotional response. Raise your awareness around your comfort level with boundary setting. Do you know how to take a step back from some of these relationships when necessary? Setting healthy boundaries means effectively communicating your preferences, desires, limits, and deal breakers. You don’t have to accept that conflict will just be part of your relationship.

As we’ve explored the complex psychology of conflict avoidance, it’s clear that this seemingly protective behavior can have far-reaching negative consequences. From eroding relationships to stunting personal growth and compromising mental health, the costs of chronic avoidance are simply too high to ignore. Passive-aggressive behavior is another common manifestation of conflict avoidance. Instead of addressing issues directly, individuals might express their frustration through subtle jabs, sarcasm, or by withholding cooperation. This indirect expression of negative feelings allows them to avoid direct confrontation while still communicating their displeasure.

Conflict avoidance hurts your relationship because it hurts you.

If this sounds like you, you can develop greater confidence about conflict resolution by setting boundaries. Confrontation avoidance can develop because of the body’s physiological reaction to stress. If you view confrontation in a negative light, you may be overly physiologically aroused during times of conflict. You may notice symptoms like a racing heart, shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, and sweaty palms. In that case, you’ll be more comfortable approaching areas of concern or disagreement with your partner. Understand that conflict is normal; it’s necessary and can bring you closer to your partner when resolved in a healthy fashion.

Understanding the psychological mechanisms behind conflict avoidance provides valuable insight into why this behavior persists, even when we logically know it might not be in our best interest. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others is a skill you can learn and practice. To do so, identify your boundaries—what you want and need, what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable, and your non-negotiables. Then communicate them clearly, directly, and respectfully to others. Be consistent and firm, but also flexible and open to feedback. If someone crosses or violates your boundaries, let them know how you feel and what you expect.

You can schedule your sessions on your time and see someone right from the comfort of your home. A skilled therapist can help you sort through the issues and find healthy ways to deal with conflict. Lastly, another one of the critical conflict resolution skills that you should practice is remaining unbiased. By being impartial, one must separate the problem from those involved. Look at the challenges or disputes at hand and focus on working through each hurdle rather than the personalities of each person.

Using humor in conflict resolution

• People who avoid conflict often adjust their opinions to maintain peace.
• One of the hardest parts of knowing how to handle conflict is figuring out exactly what you want to communicate—and how to do it kindly.
• Learning to use healthy conflict resolution strategies can help you handle conflicts when they happen.
• When employees are unable to work together, conflicts can arise.
• The pressure mounts and perceived stress is followed by sweat, an increased heart rate, and worry, and your gut reaction to is avoid the situation altogether.
• Tactics designed to deal with a narcissist are not built on mutuality and never involve notions of fairness or reciprocity.
• Being aware of how your emotions impact you can help you gain a greater understanding of yourself and others.

But the parent’s need is to protect the child’s safety, a need that can only be met by limiting the toddler’s exploration. The good news is that there are quick hacks to calm your brain and nervous system. For example, you can take a deep slow breath (which stimulates your vagus nerve and helps calm your nervous system). Thinking of problems as challenges is a great cognitive reframe. Thinking of a difference of opinion as an opportunity to get to know one another better and build closeness is a cognitive reframe.